" ...where is my faith? Even deep down...there is nothing but emptiness and darkness...so many unanswered questions live within me..."
page 187, Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light.
I am four classes away from finishing my Master of Divinity, have already begun the pre-ordination process, and cannot seem to hold onto my faith.
I've had paradigm shifts before, the biggest one being as a sophomore at Houghton College (after encountering the wise Dr. Kristina LaCelle-Peterson), but they've never led to a loss of belief, simply a changing or restructuring of belief.
I have heard people quip about how seminaries should be called cemeteries, for they are filled with persons who are spiritually dead, or who will be spiritually dead if they spend enough time there. But I cannot transfer blame to my current enrollment; from all of my reflection, my time here at Fuller doesn't seem to have a direct correlation to my current state of mind. In fact I am surrounded by people who are very thoughtful about their faith and who love God. Sure, I have friends who are asking similar questions, but my faith (or lack thereof) cannot be blamed on their questions.
So here I am, longing for Light, and wondering if it even exists at all. And if it does, in what form? Is it limited to one tradition? Which one? Is it found in multiple traditions? How then does one choose?
I am taking a class in Anglo-American Post-Modernity with the renowned Dr. Nancey Murphy. The first month has given me new ways to think about faith. Will it be enough?