Thursday, July 7, 2011

Back and Forth

Our son just learned the phrase "back and forth" and now he delights in saying it over, and over: "Back and forth, and back and forth and back and forth", giggling while we swing or rock him.

I take significantly less pleasure in the phrase. Too much of my life has been lived in that reality, particularly in my struggle with eating in moderation, regular exercise, and any other area that thrives off of regular discipline (one's character/ethics, spirituality, etc).

Do I choose faith or allow my thoughts to direct me towards unbelief?
Should I eat a second helping or dessert, or should I remind myself that what I've consumed is enough?
Do I run or do I rest?
Do I retreat or do I seek out friendship?

Back and forth and back and forth I go. Sometimes it is a daily flow, other times it happens over a period of months.

I am so tired of living life "back and forth". I wish I possessed more of a stable, consistent personality that found such decisions easy. But instead, I act with impulse and emotion and need to discipline myself towards consistency. I suck at discipline.

But today I'm going to try.