Saturday, March 5, 2011

rant against the medical system

Writing this paper has reminded me once more that I just don't understand Western medicine.  The medical field treats the body in a purely modern way - where functions and disease in the body can be reduced to mere law-based science.  Yet, doesn't metaphysics and quantum theory reveal that our bodies are much more complex?  And what about the placebo effect - doesn't that simply shoot a significant portion of our reliance on medicine in the foot?  What happened to our common sense?  Think about it:  If research shows that a particular trial drug is just as good as the effect of administering a placebo WHY THE HELL WOULD WE CHOOSE THE TRIAL DRUG? 

My husband's answer would be something like, "Because our society has trained us to place implicit trust in doctors - and the medical system".  We can also thank capitalism (and Big Pharma):  There is not a lot of money in placebos. 

Friday, March 4, 2011

On Being Human

I am about to begin outlining my final Philosophy paper for the term (insert relieved smile here). 

Usually I linger in the research stage of paper writing and postpone the dreaded writing component until the very last minute.  I love research and find learning such a fascinating process.  I do not love writing, nor do I find it fascinating.  It's boring, time-consuming and difficult. 

Perhaps that is why I find myself surprised that there is a part of me that is not dreading this paper in my usual way.  In attempting honesty, there may even be feelings of excitement and anticipation that arise within me when I think about writing this paper.  I'm not entirely certain of the reason (although it's likely to be tied to the paper topic), but I'm thankful nonetheless.

So what am I writing on?  The placebo effect and how it supports the theory of nonreductive physicalism.*  We are powerful people with a capacity to participate in our own healing.  That is the simple reality of being human. 

*The belief that one is entirely physical in composition and possesses higher-level capabilities (thinking, spirituality, etc).  This is often viewed in opposition to dualism - the belief that humans are composed of two separate substances - matter and spirit (or body and mind/soul). 

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I hate this part

I caved and ate a candy bar.  It's not even 10 am yet.  Instead of beating myself up over it, I'm asking "Why?"

The excuse I gave myself right before I ate was that I wanted something sweet to eat with my coffee, and once I allowed myself to eat the piece of candy, then I could settle down and focus on my assignment. 

That is a bunch of bullshitsu. 

So then why?  Why did I scavenge for a sweet treat? 

This is a question I have asked myself at various other times and have been unable to come to a satisfactory answer.  How does one even begin to uncover the reasons behind the decisions we make within our addiction weaknesses addiction?  This task seems so arcane to me, especially with regards to food. And yet, the desire to understand continues to follow me and so I keep asking various questions that might help me arrive at somewhat of an answer:

What was I thinking about right before I had the desire to eat?  How I didn't want to follow through with a commitment I made for tonight, how much work I needed to accomplish before church of long ago and the pain associated with remembering, my church in the present and the pain associated with going, the desire to connect with God, the desire for God to be real...the longing for the belief that God really does care. 

How was I feeling before I ate the candy?  Hmm.  Thinking back, I guess I felt stressed on the surface and sad within the deeper parts of me. 

At what point did I decide to eat the candy?  As soon as I began to recognize the feelings of sadness. 

How did I feel or what did I think when I took the first bite?  I thought, "This doesn't taste very good."  "I don't have to finish it."  "I might as well finish it."  "Ok, I'll finish it."  "Now what do I do?"  As soon as I finished eating it I felt the familiar emotion of disappointment and the realization that it wasn't what I was looking for. 

Was there any point where I made a good decision?  Yes, as soon as I realized that it was not the candy I was looking for I paused and asked myself what I truly wanted in that moment.  Part of the answer was to feel connected with myself again.  And so I turned to this blog as one way of processing my actions with the hope that in doing so I would feel more connected. 

And I do.  Thanks for "listening".