My lack of faith has proven difficult on a new level... I do not know where to turn to - or who to turn to - when I want to be comforted with hope.
On the way to the library today, I was listening to NPR's AirTalk broadcast today (http://www.scpr.org/programs/airtalk/2011/05/31/red-market/) in which Larry Mantle interviewed Scott Carney about his book The Red Market: On the Trail of the World’s Organ Brokers, Bone Thieves, Blood Farmers, and Child Traffickers. Hearing the atrocities made me so angry at my fellow humans for how they could treat one another in such base ways. I was livid...and sick to my stomach. Once more I longed for some kind of hope; or, to use the words of Julian of Norwich, that "All [would] be well" ...that there was Someone who truly saw such evils and would somehow bring restoration.
But such faith is far from my reach at this point. And so I am left in this hell-hole of a world with little comfort. I remember reading that Mother Teresa also longed for the comfort of reassurance (with respect to God's presence)...and while rarely receiving it in her later years, still continued in her work.
Perhaps the only way one can escape such a state is to also work for justice. Perhaps if I could work at bringing about even little pockets of justice in this world...there could be some light to look to... while I wait for Light to return...