Taking the bus has its benefits. For one, my husband and I can have an uninterrupted time of talking, which is rare with an almost two-year-old.
On the 690 yesterday we talked about Theodicy, which seems to be the sticking point for me and my inability to continue with faith. It was a meaningful conversation and I'm thankful for his input, although I cannot say we arrived at any conclusions. :) When we arrived at our destination, he played a clip from one of his favorite movies, "The Ninth Configuration". The conversation between two of the characters went something like this:
Colonel Kane: You're convinced that God is dead because there's evil in the world.
Captain Cutshaw: Correct.
Colonel Kane: Then why don't you think he's alive because of the goodness in the world?
Hmmm. I have for many months now considered God to be non-existent because of the tremendous evil in this world, unable to reconcile such violence with a Creator who supposedly was planning something so good that it would make all the suffering worthwhile. (Is it just me, or do you also think this makes God look sick?) And while most Christians continue to point to that (hell, I was satisfied with that response for a decade), it is now an unsatisfactory answer to me. Some people are born into violent slavery and live and die in violent slavery. Their entire lives consumed by violence. How can their life be redeemed when it is already over? Some would say, "Oh, it'll be redeemed in the after-life". Still, to me, that doesn't seem fair of God.
I know this problem within our tradition has existed for a very long time so I should not expect someone during my lifetime to come up with something new. But it would be nice.
Until then, I have to think about the inconsistency of my believing God doesn't exist because of the evil when there is also the presence of goodness in this world. Pray for me in my angst, and for all those who suffer incredible injustice, oppression, suffering, and violence.