Saturday, October 22, 2011

Desire

My midterm for my Hebrew Exegetical class "Jeremiah" is next week and I've been studying hard.  The last 2.5 hours have been met with determined resolve and diligence and I am nearly finished creating my study sheet.  And thanks to the Tall Pike with cream, my brain is alert and focused.

Until the last five minutes.  The pastry display case beckons and I have begun to imagine buying something sweet.  Bye bye Jehoiakim and Jeremiah's "Temple Sermon".  Hello rice krispy treat!

But I am not hungry.  And I have had a few weeks with renewed interest in trying harder around food and I don't want to give in to the desire for fear that it would quickly spiral downward.  And the money would not be well spent. 

And yet, my connections to food are strong and recovery is hard.  Very hard.  How do I prevent myself from giving in? 

Today, it is by sheepishly admitting to my unknown (and perhaps nonexistant) blog readers that I am feeling weak.  For some reason, admitting my desire lessens its power.  And so I hereby confess my desire to you, dear blogspot, and resolve not to eat anything.  And now that I've made room in my brain for the Jeremiah that remains, I will sign off and return to studying. 

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